Ödynfyst: The Göds of Metal
Posted by magflare on March 15, 2008
So it’s time I started my own metal band. Our name? Ödynfyst. (The second “y” should be backward, but the limitations of the Latin alphabet prohibit me from truly expressing myself here.)
Our debut album will be titled Rocknarök: Gödwar. One of its tracks – Maximum Deathstruction – will be released as a single, and here are its lyrics:
Flyin’ high on wings of night
Never gonna lose the fight
I’m a steel cowboy with laser eyes
Gonna make sure everyone dies
(refrain)
MAXIMUM DEATHSTRUCTION
MAXIMUM DEATHSTRUCTION
Gonna eat your baby
MAXIMUM DEATHSTRUCTION
MAXIMUM DEATHSTRUCTION
Hand it over
Burnin’ with a mind of hate
I’m an instrument of fate
Claws and fangs and flames and guns
Eviscerating everyone
(refrain)
(4-minute-long bass solo)
Deadly as a dragon’s kiss
My fiery bullets never miss
Spreading fear across the land
A billion dead by my own hand
[At this point during our live shows a 20-foot-tall wheeled skeletal robot named Murdertron 8000 will explode through the screen behind us, which up until then was displaying footage of '50s-era nuclear tests, and roll out into the audience belching flame and flailing its rotary-blade arms.]
(refrain x2)
(end)
It will also contain a mandatory power ballad in which I sing about the woman who left me because I rocked too hard.
Our second album will be titled In the Jaws of Fenrir and its cover will feature a painting of a Viking with robot arms punching through the mouth of a wolf and out the back of its head. Sadly, this will be our last album before the band breaks up due to drugs and personality conflicts and I’m forced to start a new, lounge-oriented band, which I’m tentatively calling D. P. Gordon and His Sounds of Effluence.
Is anyone interested in joining? If so, drop me a line – I need someone who knows how to tune an electric bass so it makes a toneless “CHUG” sound when strummed.
