I want to start a different band.

Forget Ödynfyst. Ponderous Norse-metal is as dead as Abe Vigoda. Possibly deader, depending. What the world needs instead is a new self-obsessed alt-rock group. Here are a few ideas for band names, along with a rough approximation of their style:

Davy Goes A-Hunting: During interviews on college radio, this Portland-based band will invariably describe themselves as “like Cake, but influenced by X” (where X is defined as whatever obscure ethnic group the bassist just looked up on Wikipedia).

Blind Man Bleed: An emo band whose members become murderously offended when described as “emo.”

Oedipus Mal and His Sounds of Contrition: Their MySpace page will feature photos of them wearing top hats and posing on tombstones.

Ocular Ejaculate: Music for sullen outsiders with learner’s permits.